Ever been scrolling around the internet and wanted to stuff a whole tumblr in your pocket and take it with you for later to stare at on the bus or gently caress under your desk in class or read in a public bathroom? Well, if that tumblr happened to be mine, you’re in luck! You can buy my zines, which are basically like tumblr only on paper and full of even more feelings! If you see something here you’d like to order, just drop a note in my askbox and I’ll tell you where to mail to. I take well-concealed cash/checks/money orders (US currency only) or trades (if you happen not to live here, or are broke and can’t send money. I know that feeling). All orders include a personal note and some fun freebies! All The Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues // $4 // 68 pages + silkscreened covers Part perzine, part horror story, part spelunking adventure into my mom’s tortured psyche, ALL THE BEST COWBOYS is 68 quarter-sized pages of heartbreak. Stories of dead squirrels, defrauding jesus, voicemails from hell, alcoholism, bipolar disorder, and the best music of the mid-nineties are all wrapped up in silver-on-black silkscreened cardstock for your reading pleasure. Sit back, relax, and let my traumatic childhood make you feel that much better about your own! It’s cheaper than therapy and there are even illustrations (by the lovely Heather Kelly, making their zine debut)! All this crap and loads more, in limited-edition silkscreened covers, for a mere $4. It would be a crime not to buy it. Every Thug Is A Lady // $3 tumblr special // 72 pages EVERY THUG is 72 luscious quarter-sized pages of only the finest bitching, moaning, finally accepting, and then making sweet passionate love to my gender identity. It’s photocopied on the most beautiful Xerox machine in all of existence, which is so majestic that it runs solely on unicorn tears and cake, and also includes fun things like guides on how to hack your Facebook page, loads of badly-drawn pictures, things that make me go HNNNNGH, and amusing cartoon interludes! All of that (and more, and stickers) for the low low tumblr price of just $3. Seriously. You can’t buy it anywhere else for cheaper. Because I love you guys. All On Black // free // 32 pages Do you worry about how people will treat your putrefying corpse after you drop dead? I do. Frequently. So I made a zine about it! ALL ON BLACK is a 32-page zine that’s about the size of a teabag, detailing exactly what sort of nonsensical frippery I expect for my funeral. It alternates between ruminations on art, death, accidental jesusing, and appropriate mourning procedures and the kind of over-the-top party plans you’d expect from somebody as dramatic as me. And because I’m paranoid of having a crappy funeral, it’s free. You know what else is free anymore? Nothing. Except herpes. And herpes is nowhere near as much fun. Coming Soon:  a zine about my unmentionable bits and a collection of dubious fanfiction!

Ever been scrolling around the internet and wanted to stuff a whole tumblr in your pocket and take it with you for later to stare at on the bus or gently caress under your desk in class or read in a public bathroom? Well, if that tumblr happened to be mine, you’re in luck! You can buy my zines, which are basically like tumblr only on paper and full of even more feelings!

If you see something here you’d like to order, just drop a note in my askbox and I’ll tell you where to mail to. I take well-concealed cash/checks/money orders (US currency only) or trades (if you happen not to live here, or are broke and can’t send money. I know that feeling).

All orders include a personal note and some fun freebies!

All The Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues // $4 // 68 pages + silkscreened covers

Part perzine, part horror story, part spelunking adventure into my mom’s tortured psyche, ALL THE BEST COWBOYS is 68 quarter-sized pages of heartbreak. Stories of dead squirrels, defrauding jesus, voicemails from hell, alcoholism, bipolar disorder, and the best music of the mid-nineties are all wrapped up in silver-on-black silkscreened cardstock for your reading pleasure. Sit back, relax, and let my traumatic childhood make you feel that much better about your own! It’s cheaper than therapy and there are even illustrations (by the lovely Heather Kelly, making their zine debut)! All this crap and loads more, in limited-edition silkscreened covers, for a mere $4. It would be a crime not to buy it.

Every Thug Is A Lady // $3 tumblr special // 72 pages

EVERY THUG is 72 luscious quarter-sized pages of only the finest bitching, moaning, finally accepting, and then making sweet passionate love to my gender identity. It’s photocopied on the most beautiful Xerox machine in all of existence, which is so majestic that it runs solely on unicorn tears and cake, and also includes fun things like guides on how to hack your Facebook page, loads of badly-drawn pictures, things that make me go HNNNNGH, and amusing cartoon interludes! All of that (and more, and stickers) for the low low tumblr price of just $3. Seriously. You can’t buy it anywhere else for cheaper. Because I love you guys.

All On Black // free // 32 pages

Do you worry about how people will treat your putrefying corpse after you drop dead? I do. Frequently. So I made a zine about it! ALL ON BLACK is a 32-page zine that’s about the size of a teabag, detailing exactly what sort of nonsensical frippery I expect for my funeral. It alternates between ruminations on art, death, accidental jesusing, and appropriate mourning procedures and the kind of over-the-top party plans you’d expect from somebody as dramatic as me. And because I’m paranoid of having a crappy funeral, it’s free. You know what else is free anymore? Nothing. Except herpes. And herpes is nowhere near as much fun.

Coming Soon:  a zine about my unmentionable bits and a collection of dubious fanfiction!